Okay Honey

So here’s what you’re going to do, honey
Keep wearing jeans
Snuggle your fat into a size too small
Do it since you have no money for new clothes
Today, honey
You have to study for your science test
You’ll likely fail
But it’s better to say you crammed and tried
Than having to admit you just winged it
Don’t do that, honey
And here
Forget that you fucked up this morning
Learn your lesson and carry on
But try not to cry
You do that enough already, honey
Wear your lipstick
It can be a talisman
To scare away the creeps that lurk at bus stops
They’ll no longer feel obligated
To believe they’re the first in this life to tell you you’re pretty
If you look like you’re trying, they might leave you be
Okay, honey
Bring that coffee to your lips
Chug and type
And type
And type
And type forever
There is so much sadness in living forever
Perhaps your depression means you’ll become immortal somehow
Keep telling yourself that, honey
Don’t diet
But try not to pay for food
You’ll need that money further on
And so you mustn’t be spending it on sandwiches and salads and soup
Okay, honey
Keep listening
To all the songs that make you feel longing
Longing may hurt your heart
But you’re feeling
And longing may not be a colorful emotion
But at least it feels so deeply
Doesn’t it honey
And journal
You’re so behind, but you can catch up
Thirty one entries as of today
And time keeps marching on without you
So you better catch up
With that and everything else
Buy yourself a floral dress at some point, honey
And wear black tights beneath
And perhaps it’ll make you feel better, maybe
Okay, honey
Sleep forever
No, don’t do that
Even though that’s what your mind keeps telling you to
I know you don’t mean suicide
But that’s what never waking up amounts to, you know
Don’t do that
Okay, honey
Have full bangs
And dye them red as soon as you feel that redness again
It may not be soon
But let us both
Hope and pray
That the return of that feeling will be inevitable
In our lifetimes again
Okay honey
Go into mourning
Mourn whatever you so choose
Wear black
And let yourself feel this colorlessness for a while
Okay honey
And pray
If it consumes you
And you decide that’s right
She treats you like an atheist
Which you really aren’t quite
Believe what you want
And pray if it consumes you
Okay honey
Smile unadulterated
At the girls who smile first
There are people in the box you’re in
Who might decide to love you
If only you smile back
Okay honey
And dance
At nighttime, as you do
Through your crowded living room
Hike up your neglige
And kick as high as you can
It doesn’t matter if it’s good
What matters is that you do not give up
Okay honey
Make yourself renewed
Your soul will stay
It has stayed through worse
Do not do anything insincere
But change is good
And you should experiment
The point in life is creating yourself
And creation takes many drafts
Even if you’re fed up
With what draft you’re in now
You’re still the protagonist
As long as you keep going
Okay honey
Don’t get a tattoo right now
You’re hurting enough already
But brainstorm
In case your life ever gets calm enough
To comfortably allot yourself some pain
For the sake of self expression
Okay honey
Let your hair get to your shoulders
Then you can cut it again
If you so choose
Keep seeing shadows
And ghosts flying
You’ve always seen them
Don’t become blind
Just because some want you to be fearful
Okay honey
Email back the Chicagoans
Be sincere
But do not bite them
You may not feel it
But you are safe now
And even if you haven’t forgotten
Since I doubt you’ll ever shed those memories
Try not to be as caustic as you feel you ought to be
You have places to do that
Do not scream at them
Whisper harsh to the galaxies
And let whoever’s listening deal with their sins
Okay honey
Let that heart of yours
Palpitate for whatever she so chooses
Since she’s so lazy as of late
When she wants to bark
Let her
Be it a soul
Or a book
Or lyrical dissonance
Whatever she chooses
Can be hers to pine for
Okay honey
I don’t have the answers
But I wish I had them
Just do some soul searching
And keep moving forward
It’ll hurt even more than it does now
You’ll get used to it
Don’t worry
Just keep on your path
Whatever direction it might take you
You’re at the helm
And I am just a voice
It’s all up to you
And as scary as that is
You also must realize
You hold your soul
And you can keep it safe
It may not sound it
But that’s a good thing
Okay honey


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